• Confusion


    I’ve just found out that the wife of one of my good friends from highschool is pregnant. His parents still live in the old neighborhood and that’s how I’ve found out.

    It was strange seeing his parents so happy, as I’ve always remembered them to be the stern couple that wanted their son to grow up straight, by keeping away crooked friends like myself from him.

  • Confusion

    Zen (Un)Happiness

    Suddenly I noticed that I wasn’t happy. So I picked up a book at the local B&N. I did not buy it, I picked it up, read about half of it, then returned it to the shelf. I don’t quite remember the title, but it was a red and yellow book about Zen and Happiness.

    The book had nothing to do about Zen Buddhism. It just took a Zen-ish approach to achieving happiness so that un-happiness would not get in the way of achieving it. Of course. Logically it totally makes sense. If you want to be happy, don’t be unhappy!

    Anyways, the book didn’t help me achieve happiness. It actually made me feel worse by reiterating that the unhappiness around me was created by my own unwillingness to be happy. So, it was all my fault after all.

  • Confusion

    Awoke in a sweat again

    Lately, I’ve been waking in sweat. Usually preceded by a nightmare. Last night’s dream was actually awesome… well if snatching a brand new iPod from the wreckage of a plane crash is cool to you.

  • Confusion

    Why did the chicken jump in front of the car?

    This year, the BBC created a April Fool’s joke film about penguins flying. It was pretty well made and the CG was quite convincing. Then it got me thinking, if penguins should even be called “birds” any more.

    Someone else’s blog pointed out that a bird that cannot fly is a bird no more. Of course, it was a displaced comment on how he feels that some people are not worthy of their title once they become delinquent in exercising their abilities. This, after seeing a pigeon cross the street by walking instead of flying.

    That got me thinking of the age old joke, “Why did the chicken cross the road”? The chicken really didn’t want to get to the other side, she wanted to die.

  • Confusion

    Bleed It Out

    “Losing, quitting, or even dying is not an option”. That’s the revelation I have arrived at after contemplating an exit plan for the most current dilemma I have found myself in. The only way to get out of this mess is by winning. When was dying  eliminated as an outcome? It could happen to anyone, yet I am not allowed to choose it as a path. Quitting seemed like a good choice, once you’re in it, you can’t quit. Then what about losing? Well this is not a game; there is no losing. You’d think, “then under what situation would you win”?  Actually, there’s no winning either. The only choice is to live it out. But I’m bleeding. I want to die but I cannot. I want to quit but I cannot. What the fuck? I don’t want to live anymore…